Celebrity Fashion Watch

I totally have a girl crush on Thandie Newton. Not only is she Harvard-educated (I think it was Harvard, but if it wasn’t, it was some similarly impressive Ivy League-type place), she has seriously beautiful skin, and she knows how to dress herself. She really knows how to dress herself. Here, a selection just from the last few months;

THIS is how you wear fishnets. Not with a sexy curve-hugging red thing, because then you’ll look like Jessica Rabbit (not that that’s a bad thing), or with black ditto, because then you’ll look like a dominatrix (also not necessarily a bad thing). But with something ladylike and contrasting, in a rich fabric, and body-conscious but not overtly sexy. . .perfection.
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Someone must have put something in my coffee this week. . .because it’s been pointed out that I have been unusually nice.

Well, the streak continues. Keep the pharmaceuticals coming!

Now, it’s difficult for Penelope Cruz to look bad, I know. She’s got the perfect figure for gowns, curvy and womanly but still slim. But I know it can be done, I’ve seen it happen, so she gets full credit for looking fab here.

She looks like a silver candlabra, and I mean that in the most flattering, positive way possible. Tall and sleek, with sexy smooth curves. I love that this dress is grey. . .so much more interesting than black, yet still easily within the bounds of black tie. The shape is heaven on her, the flaring hem balancing out full hips and small waist in an elegant way (not an over-the-top Nicolette Sheridan-barbie-at-the-Golden-Globes way), the low-but-not-too-low cut top and very delicate straps making the most of lovely skin and some great boobies. I honestly, have very little bad to say about this outfit.

I can always think of something bad to say, but I’m just not in the mood this morning. It’s strange. Oh well. More coffee, anyone?

Goya Awards, Penelope Cruz, Fashion, Celebrities, Style, Red Carpet

Usually, I’m not an orange girl. My skin is sort of olive-y, to begin with, and orange does me no favors. I rarely see anyone else looking good in orange, either (unless it’s a soft mango kind of color, I guess). So I’ve always had this anti-orange-clothing prejudice, and, in fact, own not a single orange piece of clothing though I do own something in almost every other color in existence (including a chartreuse silk wrap top that makes me look like I have some kind of 18th-century wasting disease).

But, Katherine Heigl might be the Martin Luther King, Jr. of orange clothing.

My goodness, this is pretty! So rich and eye-catching, but not in a too-bright, Miami-tan kind of way. And my goodness, Katherine Heigl, what shiny hair you have! And what nice round but not freakishly so breasts you have! This dress is doing you a million and one favors, and if I have to wear orange to look this good, by golly, I will do it. It can’t be worse than chartreuse.

Katherine Heigl, Kevan Hall, Grey’s Anatomy, SAG Awards, SAG Awards Red Carpet, Screen Actors Guild, Fashion, Celebrities, Style

Sienna, honey,
Can I call you Sienna? It’s better than Princess of Sluttyenna or whatever it is that Perez Hilton calls you, isn’t it? Great. How are you feeling? Enjoying the buzz around Factory Girl? The whole thing was a bit before my time but I love the chauffer’s caps and tights with little dresses enough that I might just see that movie. I bet you’re enjoying Sundance. You look like you’re enjoying Sundance.

And you keep looking like this, Sundance will sure be enjoying you. See, Sienna my pet, you don’t have to wear porkpie hats with your bathing suit to get attention. You can get good attention, positive attention, non-gagging attention, when you look pretty!

Incidentally, how’d you get so tan in the middle of January?

Celebrity, Fashion, Sienna Miller, Sundance, Factory Girl

This is how I like my Gwen.

Oh Gwen, you look lovely. So soft, so sexy, no crazy black-hole hairstyle, no weirdly 70’s straight wig, no Gucci-knockoff double G logo, and no sunglasses! When you dress like this, I remember how freaking gorgeous you are and I forgive you the weird chula phase, and the violent rape of “The Lonely Goatherd,” and all the other formerly unforgivable things you’ve done. That’s how great you look here.

However, you keep your dirty remixing mitts off “Climb Every Mountain” or I will seriously bitch-slap you.

NRJ Music Awards, Cannes, Gwen Stefani

This might not be my favorite look in the world ever. . . .

But I so enjoy seeing Carmen Electra in something, well, not slutty. Something a little funky, a little fashion-forward, something unpredictable and. . .well, not slutty! It’s fun to surprise people, isn’t it! Make them look at you a little differently! You’re no Pamela, see! You’re. . .you’re an ACTRESS! A serious one! Maybe you’ll do an indie movie next, something where you don’t brush your hair and struggle with childhood demons! And it all started with a little leg coverage, a little dark tight with lace, a little rocker-chick hair with dark roots!

Carmen Electra, New Years’ Eve, L.A., Fashion, Celebrities, McGinn

This is funny, in an ironic way, because Eva Longoria is wearing the same very perplexing denim/pleather fug dress as Lindsay Lohan was, in that post a few days ago where I made AA jokes.

And yet, I only hate it about half as much on Eva as I did on Lindsay. And that isn’t related to the person wearing it, because Eva Longoria annoys me at least as much as Lindsay Lohan does.

I think it’s an absence of boob overflowage, and also it thankfully does not appear as if she is suffering from a flesh-eating leg bacteria. And perhaps, though it pains me to say this, it’s the lack of abruptly-stopped-doing-coke bloat.

Eva Longoria, Desperate Housewives, Lindsay Lohan, Dolce & Gabbana

Katie Cassidy is the daughter of Stone Age pop star David Cassidy, and had a non-hit a couple of years ago, at age 15, with a “hip-pop” (I am not making this up) song called “I think I love you.” I know this because at the time Katie was featured on an hour-long show on MTV called “Bubblegum Babylon” that I watched repeatedly, mostly because it was hosted by Shannen Doherty and, besides being inordinately scary while talking about the pitfalls of the pop world, she wore a string vest-type shirt that appeared to violate several laws of physics.

Anyway, Katie seems to have emerged without much scarring.

Okay, I have to admit the fabric is a little reminiscent of a 70’s-era bedspread that draped limply over a twin bed in an upstairs bedroom of the funky little Tahoe cabin my parents rented along with a bazillion other families when I was young. There was olive-green shag carpeting and heavy fake-gold chains covered all electrical cords, and I used to rip the puff-balls off this bedspread while I reading and trying to avoid having to actually go out in the snow.

But maybe that’s just me. Because other than that, she looks lovely. The shape is great on here, she’s smiling and not pouting or posing ridiculously, her hair is impressively shiny. I don’t know what Katie Cassidy is doing now (I hope, I pray, that it has nothing to do with “hip-pop”), but it seems to agree with her.

Katie Cassidy, David Cassidy, Black Christmas, Black Christmas premiere

I’ve noticed lots of celebrity gossip sites, as well as real news sources like Newsweek, like to run caption contests. It gets the peeps involved, I guess.

I’m going to shamelessly copy them now.

However, I’ve noticed most of the captions are pretty mean. . .and while I love a snarkfest, and can be a bitch with the best of them, it makes me feel like I might not roast in hell for eternity if I make this contest a little nicer.

So, unveiling my weekly caption contest: Say Something Nice about this picture. (I didn’t say it was going to be easy.)

Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Kate Moss, Pom-pom hats, Hats, Caption Contest